A Reminder....

I really wanted to just post a link to this (because I take no credit for it whatsoever), but there is no "direct" link.  It is a daily devotion from Proverbs 31 Ministires.  I actually read this on a friend's blog and to me it really was a pull-you-up-by-your-bootstraps-slap-you-in-the-face gentle reminder of something I have always known but so very much needed to be reminded of right now.  I'm not even going to elaborate....just read the devotion for yourself.  It is long, but well worth the read:

“…for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” Psalm 25:5b (NIV)



I spent months working on it, with big expectations and high hopes. In the blink of an eye it was crushed. This reality tore into my heart like a jagged knife, ripping my dream into tiny little shreds. Disappointment was so great it was difficult to process my feelings. I had worked tirelessly on this project and now I felt disappointment and rejection. 

Disappointment soon turned to irritation which morphed into resentment. I didn’t FEEL it was fair.


Why didn’t God answer my prayers? Why had He placed a dream in my heart only to allow it to crumble? Why had He let this happen? Why me?

I knew I needed to have a good attitude and not give up, but I did not FEEL like doing that at all!


Questions pummeled my brain. What is the use? Why try again? If God didn’t answer my prayer after all this time, why bother keep trying?


I allowed my FEELings to overtake my FAITH.

All I could think about was how this disappointment made me feel, instead of what God may be doing that my faith could not see. I felt things weren’t fair, without remembering God’s ways are best. I felt a longing for immediate results, instead of trusting God’s timing is perfect.


My feelings had gotten in the way of my faith, so I turned to Psalm 25 (NIV) for perspective. The following verses washed over my spirit.

Verse 1, “In you, LORD my God, I put my trust.”

I felt discouraged, unworthy, hopeless, rejected. So I poured my feelings and my soul out to God. And He listened.

Verse 2, “I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.”

God reminded me to trust Him, not a desire or a dream. Not the world’s view. Not my abilities. Not my timeframe. Not my ideas. Trust Him alone. I prayed about my enemies—intangible feelings such as self doubt, insecurity, frustration, and discouragement.

Verse 3, “No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.”

Regardless of whether or not my desires become a reality, I will not be put to shame, because God is my God. If His plans coincide with my dreams, I know He will keep His eternal promises.

Verses 4-5a, “Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me,”

These words stopped me in my tracks. I began to think more rationally. Why did I beat my head against a wall? Why was I consumed with anxiety and frustration? Was I allowing God to direct my paths? God gently reminded me He is the teacher, I am the student.

Verse 5b, “…for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”

If I put my hope in my own desires and abilities, I set myself up for failure. My only hope for joy and fulfillment comes from Christ alone. Hope is found in Him, not people, a career, your husband or children, church, financial success, a carefree life, or dreams that come true.


Disappointments will happen. With God, however, we can turn those disappointments into God’s appointments to trust Him. The first step is to exercise faith over feelings.


"Dear Lord, You know the hurt in my heart and the sting of disappointments I have experienced. Please help me trust You, instead of being consumed by feelings. Empower me with a faith that is stronger than my emotions. In Jesus’ Name, Amen."

Already?

No really...it can't be that time already?  I distinctly remember holding my newborn babies in my arms in the hospital and thinking I had FOREVER with them.  School?  That was light years away!  (Cindy Pillow -- I know you remember this too!!!!) Now look where I am...a semi "empty nester"!  All four are in school.  Sarah started kindergarten and Ava is now in K-4.  No more little voices at home asking for a snack or chocolate milk or for me to watch a movie with them.  On the flip side that are no little voices at home protesting when I tell them to leave the dog alone or to brush their teeth or to brush their hair or please get in the car because we have to leave NOW!  I can honestly say I am quite conflicted.  I miss them....terribly!  I think of all the things I "wish" I had done, and yet I think of all the things I will be ABLE to do with much more ease!  One thing I do not regret is keeping Ava at home with me last year.  In spite of all the power struggles, I really liked having her around and I know she liked her "mommy" time!  I love my "Bitsy"!  I love my "Sissy" too (as well as Zachary and Josh), but you get the idea.  A momma bird knows when her babies are ready to leave the nest, and mine most definately are.  It's time for them to spread their wings and see what they can do!  I'm just praying that this year is blessed...that they have teachers who love them, nurture them, and challenge them... that they make new friends and are a blessing to others as well...that the older ones are aware of how their choices impact others...that they continue to seek the Lord's face in all they do...that they are not easily influenced but rather are an influence on those around them...

So far things are off to a great start...no one needs their wings clipped.....YET!  :-)

So It Begins

School that is....for one of my four kiddos.  Josh started yesterday - at full throttle too.  He not only went all day - but he rode the bus - and is at a new school this year.  Personally, I find all that a little overwhelming, but for his flexible self, it was just another day.  He had a great day and I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief.  He was beside himself because he has a former classmate from his old school in his class, and then saw two others at lunch.  I think he just like the fact that 2 kids were calling "Hey Josh!" in the cafeteria! :-) This morning he was up and had made his lunch before I even made it to the kitchen.  Then he left for the bus stop without me having to tell him!  I just wonder how long that will last .. haha!

And then there is the whole bus thing.  He LOOOVES riding the bus!  I'm not sure why, but it makes him happy and I am realizing that I like not having to go thru car line.  Our stop is the last one on the way to school and the first one after school, so he is really on there for literally 10 minutes or less.  Sarah is going to be riding to and she cannot wait! 

So one down and three to go.  Sarah goes for her K-5 "stagger" day on Thursday, and Ava has her K-4 stagger day on Friday.  I have heard from reliable sources about what is happening this week and it sounds like Thursday I am going to be one big puddle! All my chicks are growing up!  I'm not sure to be :-)           or :-( ......

Two Years (Yesterday)

So yesterday I started a blog post about my grandmother because it was two years since she passed away from pancreatic cancer.  It was a great post....all about how wonderful and yet how stubborn she was.  How if she thought the sky was green it didn't matter tha tyou could prove it was blue...it was green!  How she was an amazing cook.  I never saw her use a recipe.  She made the best dressing I have ever had - not to mention banana puddin', candy, cakes, you name it.  EVERYTHING was better at her house....seriously.  It was also about how much she loved her great-grands...all 6 of them...and how they still talk about her and miss her to this day.  Ava mentions from time to time that she "talks" to her - and quite frankly I believe her.  If you have ever read "90 Minutes in Heaven" or "Heaven Is For Real" then you know what I am talking about!

So anyway...that was it.  Nothing much....getting ready for school and the stress level is rising.  Four kids....2 different schools...trying to figure out practices, shuttle services....it all throws me into a panic attack!  I'm not sure how this is all going to work out, but I guess it will. 

Maybe we can just sell the house, buy an RV and travel America.  Hmmmm... that is starting to sound pretty good about now!  :-)

Summer Is Winding Down (And I'm NOT Happy About It!)

Yeah, so I have failed miserably as far as blogging goes this summer. I just seem to always run out of time.  These lazy, hazy days of summer are slipping through my hands and I don't like that at all!  We have been busy, and we still have lots to do!  I guess that is good tho. I have never been a fan of school starting back, but I am REALLY fighting it all the way this year.  There are too many changes going on.  Up until this year, Charles had been my "point-person" witht he kids.  He works there, so he runs into them during the day and can get in a quick "hello" or "how's your day?"  This year won't be that way tho (insert big frowny face here). Zachary is in a different building and Josh and Sarah are at totally different schools. Ava however, is good.  I'm not worried about her...she is in GREAT hands! (Love you Cindy!)  I am already stressing about all three of the older ones.  Zachary - just because he is in 7th grade....Josh and Sarah because they are going to totally new schools, new friends, riding the bus, what if there are bullies? I have no inside go-to person to check on them!  (Well, I do know a teacher there, but she will have her own classroom to deal with.)  This is crazy!  All I can do is pray about it.  That is powerful - yes - and literally all I can do.  I just seem have a problem of letting go of it.  I'm sure NO ONE has ever had that problem! :-)

So, until then, I will relish the rest of my time.  The days we can stay up late and sleep in...go swimming...whatever we want with no bedtimes or schedules.  That is my kind of life! Is that wrong?  Maybe I just need a vacation.....yes....another one - ha!!

One Of Them...

turned 4 years old yesterday...loves candy...hates having her hair brushed...loves a headband over a "clip" (even tho her head is flat on top and thus not conducive to a headband!)...is a "mini-me" of her older brother Josh...is happy wearing her princess dresses every day...sings all the time...sleeps aaaallll oooooovvver the bed...is extremely strong-willed...tells me she loves me all day long...weighed just over 6 lbs. at birth (which is why her nickname has always been "Itsy Bitsy")...has a favorite blanket that she not only sleeps with every night but sleeps with it in her mouth!...can change her mood like a light switch...must always be touching someone no matter if she is sleeping, eating, or watching t.v....likes her cereal plain with no milk...has to have her chocolate milk in the mornings like most adults have to have their coffee!

The Other One...
turned 5 years old last week...loves every kind of fruit on the planet...is a "mini-me" of her older brother Zachary...tells me all the time how much she loves her short haircut...is a mother hen to her little sister.  weighed over 8 lbs. when  she was born...sleeps curled up in a ball most of the night...cannot have too many baby dolls...prefers dresses and flip-flops to anything else...loves riding her bike and playing outside...is always happy...has such a big, grateful heart...has a heart murmur (that is slowly getting better)...is very much a "mommy's girl"...will most likely be riding a two-wheeler and swimming with no floaties by the end of the summer...got three stitches in her chin and didn't even whimper...tells me all the time how much she "loves her whole family"...can pray longer than some pastors preach!

THEY...
melt my heart every day...keep growing even though I want them to stop (just for a little while)...love each other fiercely...are bff's...will always first and foremost forever be SISTERS...

Captain's Log ~ Day 5 (I think!)

Okay....laptop has gone kapooey on us, so for now, no serious blogging until I get home. Drats! Anyway...I'm pretty they are going to have to drag me away kicking and screaming. I love sitting on the balcony...listening to the waves...the whole family playing "tag" in the pool...shutting everything else out but us and making lots of memories. Every night I use my phone and jot out the day's events in my "Notes" app. I'll use it to catch everyone up later. See y'all next week! :-)